Straight from the Heart...

2010-10-29T17:42:00.002+05:30

I am feeling great today. Really great today. Amongst the various other reasons, one of the reasons is today after a very very long time and after certain trials during all this time, finally, today, I think I would be able to write something. I was really feeling bad as if I have lost my capability to write anything, but today is a special day; I am feeling normal again :-) Yea, I know many of you would say that I can never be normal, but people, I'll ignore all of you as of now, because I am really happy. I just know read a quote on facebook, which goes like this: Emotions spread so rapidly that your happiness can affect not just your children, spouse and close friends, but 258 people in a single day...:-) I do not know how the golden no. 258 was derived, but reading this quote has now made me happier :-) :-)

Recently I have been speculating a lot on the way most of us are leading are lives. I want to ask all of you a question. Are you guys really happy in what you are doing? If you'll ask me, I would say a big 'NO'. I have been badly feeling that the life had been dragging me all these years, rather than I doing something to make my life worthwhile, so that when I grow old, I may not look back and say that I have wasted my entire life doing nothing and specially losing all of the few interests that I used to have. I'll elaborate this. A few years back, in later school years and graduation, I used to read a lot of books, I loved them. I could read almost anything and everything, but now I have lost the capability to a great extent. I have atleast 5 half read books with me at present. I simply lose interest too soon. I loved to write, and as I said earlier, I was simply unable to. I loved talking to people, but I started ignoring them. I was not feeling myself(I say 'was', because I feel something has changed very recently).

Now I think I know what the problem is. The problem is I am wasting greater amount of my time in office doing something which I do just because I am somehow here and supposed to do it. The hours spent in office learning nothing new is growing a feeling of stagnancy inside me. I have lost track of the current affairs, I hardly read a newspaper, I hardly go playing, I hardly have a track of whats happening around me. I have either become insensitive or over-sensitive.

I'll tell you about somebody who is 2 years junior than me. A fresh passout from IITD, she is my flatmate and has been working for almost 6 months now. She earns atleast 6 times than what I earn, and now she has decided to quit her job. The reason, because she wants to learn dancing and continue painting. I talked to her today and the way she was explaining the reasons behind this decision of hers, I was almost feeling as if it is I who is speaking rather than her. The only difference being she has already decided to quit, but I still havenot. I have not decided not because I do not have that courage, but because there are still a few things which are preventing me to take this decision. But I don't think those will hold me for a long time. I want to join an NGO, I want to teach children especially my brother and want him to be successful and come out with flying colours. I am just waiting for a day when I can see this happening.........

Hoping that the day is not far away...............................................

Emotions: I hate them!!!

2008-12-13T17:10:00.003+05:30

"I hate to be Sentimental because it drives me Semi-Mental"- Nidhi.
There are times when I am engulfed in a sudden downpour of emotions. I don't know how come I am attacked in such a fierceful manner and easily get overpowered. At these times, I end up being in total shambles. I literally have nothing in my control. These are the times when I hate myself, hate myself badly. I want to get free of myself. I want to escape myself. I want to hide myself in the deepest, darkest corner of this world. I feel like choking myself to death, because I can no longer bear the pain. The pain which has no origin, it even has no destination. When I try to learn the reason behind it, I can find almost none. I cannot imagine my bad luck that there is simply no reason for my tearful state. Seems as if God has given me a double dose of these emotions and sentiments while creating me. "Lord ! If you wanted me have something extra, could you just not endow me with double dose of brains, rather than these stupid, idiotic, waste garbage articles a.k.a EMOTIONS.

2008-11-08T20:10:00.008+05:30

Everyday I feel an urge to update my blog with a new entry. I think I have something my mind to write about. When I start giving words to my thoughts, they seem to disappear away. The latest I decided to dedicate a blog to the people, apart from my parents, who have created a difference in my life, all those who have been the reasons for my happiness and a smile on my face. I started recollecting memories of childhood. First name that came to my was Reena, my pal since grade 6. Being a good friend and also a neighbour, we have spent quantity time together. I still remember when she confided to me her first crush or rather say I made her confess the same. That was in std.9. I still remember her innocent words... "nahi nahi, aisa kuch nahi, but just as a friend I like him".LOL.. Goddamn.. she is still in deep committment to the same guy. They are going to celebrate their 8th valentines day together the next year :) . She is still the same confidant to whom I tell the silliest of my worries, a person who knows me in and out. The next person that makes to my list is Pulkit. The first guy I ever came so close too. He had been with me through all the thick and thin of my life. He was always there for me as my mentor, as my guide. Whenever I was in doubt, trusting him meant the easiest solution out. Its still the same :) . My school days almost revolved only around both of them. Then I landed up in Banasthali Vidyapith. Met Amrit and her cute smile. Her motherly manners always made me feel protected. She has done a lot for me, which I can never repay. Then got a chance to know Naina and the innocent female inside her. Got to know Reema also. Talking my heart out to her was always a pleasant experience. She seemed to understand what I wanted to say very easily, without making me explain. At one point of time, she seems to be the greatest kid on planet earth and at others quite a mature lady. In 3rd year of graduation, got a chance to know Romi closely. She is the only female whom I could gather up the courage to say anything. I felt the most fearless whenever I was with her. The things always seemes simpler whenever I was around her. Criticising each other openly and publically was a thing which we were the most comfortable and good at. We used to roam about in the hostel corridor, discussing almost any damn thing at the top of our voices and caring the least about others hearing the same. Also in 3rd year, in a very short span of time, I made friends with Manish over internet. Whenever I got bored of the boring routine of our jail, internet provided the only means of recreation. I still remember how the time flew by when I chatted with him over yahoo initially then gtalk. He was the first person whom I found to be both a geek and a nerd. The college life came to an end and I joined Tech Mahindra. The first time ever in my life I made some wrong judgements. I met 2 persons whom I trusted to be good friends but my trust was shattered away. It was the first time when I came across people who seemed so simple and sturdy from outside, but were the hollowmost people I have ever met. The illusion, which I had till date, that the life is full of good people, faded away. I was completely caught off guard. Anyways it didn't take me long to overcome the shock as I came into good terms with other people. Met Dilpreet Sir. He is the only person I have met till date who seems to carry solution for every problem and a answer for everything thats been ever said. I used to envy his extra quick wits, which I do now also. Then came across Kamal Sir and started loving the way in which he made me feel a little stubborn kid aged no more than 10 years. His extremely down to earth attitude is really worth admiring. In her 3rd year of graduation my sis Smriti came to share my flat with me in NOIDA. That was the time I came closest to her despite all the years of knowing her initially. It feels great to pamper her and also to feel pampered at the same time. She indeed is a better and an improved version of me ;). Also in this year I made another net friend Rohit, who later on became a phone friend. We use to have lengthy discussions over topics such as life and its various aspects. Even though we don't use to talk too often, but whenever I get a chance to talk to him, I start feeling as if I have lessened some complexity inside me. Things seem to be more clear and real. As I am about to end this topic, I suddenly realize having missed two people, Manpreet and Pranav, my oldest friends since grade 6. Manpreet is the most emotional guy I have ever met and Pranav is the most hard working and organized guy (besides my father), who knows to give the correct priority to the correct things at the correct time.

2008-08-04T11:32:00.000+05:30

I am not compelling anyone to read this blog entry. Read at your own risk. Don’t blame me afterwards for having made you read something which is of no concern to you.

Friendship’s day and here I am going to write my heart out. Today I feel like writing about such a person, about whom I am even unsure I would be able to write or not. The reason is simply because I am unsure I would be able to use the right words or I will be able to give words to my feelings for him. I am really privileged to have him as my best friend, though the case is reverse with him (Poor him). Today I am feeling worthless, coz I am realizing that I know very little about him and then I leave no chance to boast that he is one of the 2 best friends I have and to add here I am talking about my childhood friend. The first guy and the only guy I ever came so close. He knows me in and out. A person whom I can close my eyes and rely upon. My dumbness and non-caring attitude has always created huge troubles for him, but he has always been the non-complaining ones. I look back to the day when he became the best friend of mine. I really don’t know how it happened, coz we are just the opposite ones. I am always dumb, he is always alert. I don’t give a damn to most things, he knows to give the right importance to things. He is very soft spoken, I can hardly be soft-spoken. He has done a lot for me, I have done nothing for him. He knows the right code of conduct, I know it, but hardly follow it. In short he is very mature, I am very immature. “Kudos to you man, for having tolerated me all those years. I can go to any extent for you bro. I wish that at least once in lifetime, I get a chance to prove myself in front of you and I pray that may I excel in it”.

P.S: I didn’t write this blog entry to prove anything.

2008-06-05T08:52:00.003+05:30

A lot is going on in my mind. Feel like writing everything up here. But again, these days, I am having dificulty to give words to my thoughts, which was never the case. A thing called as self satisfaction is nowhere in picture. I am shirking my responsibilities. This is the time when people around me, need me, but I am trying to escape. I never knew that I am such a coward. All these years I had a fake belief that I am very strong, bold and fearless. But I have come across the reality. Cowardice can't be any worse than what I am exhibiting, or maybe not exhibiting, but feeling within. I have found out that I am totally ignoring my priorities. I am living a passive life. Life is driving me, rather than I being its mistress. Whenever I learn something new, or do something good, I have this feeling that I can't hurt anyone or I can't do anything wrong. But today I am realizing that I have not been doing anything right till date. Not as far as doing justice with my near and dear ones is concerned. People say that I know how to value relationships, but the hard core reality of life is I have not at all done justice with the role of being a daughter, and that too the eldest child of the family. I really need to grow up and come out of the fantasyland I have built around me.

2008-04-12T03:14:00.002+05:30

Learnt an important lesson today... 'Respect protocols' and remember that the people around you might be unaware of it.

I, Me, Myself

2008-04-07T11:07:00.003+05:30

Sometimes I feel that I am turning very feelingless.. turning into a stony creature. Things which used to excite me the most, no longer hold much a value to me. That enthusiasm to go out of the way to make my near and dear ones feel special is slowly withering away. Forgetting birthday and wedding anniversaries, lack of interest to make special efforts to pick up a gift for someone. Somehow, somewhere the 'I' minded mentality is creeping in. These days I prefer to spend money on myself which is the vice versa case of what used to happen earlier, when I preferred buying gifts for others, rather than myself. I have no clue about the reason(s) which has let to this change. It really doesn't feel good this way.. :(

Go get it!!!!

2007-12-12T15:19:00.000+05:30

Frustration takes hold of you
It sticks to you like glue

It does not go away
It does not hear what all you have to say

It turns you highly mad
It makes you very sad

You want to change yourself
You want to do everything well

You want to grow high
U don't worry how hard you need to try

To be recognized by everyone is your aim
For it, you can face any tough game

You have that power
It can take you very very far

What are you waiting for?
Why are you not very sure?

Still there is a lot left to explore
Please go for it; To U I implore

Don't waste time
It's your chance to shine

U have taken sufficient rest
Go for it, I wish you All The Best!!!

Relationships? A big question mark..

2007-10-30T21:42:00.000+05:30

A thought suddenly struck me out of nowhere and now I feel like sharing it with U all. There is not a scarcity of people these days, who call themselves committed(And the no. of these species is increasing rapidly day by day..Now pls don't think that I am complaining that I am single..The reality is I am very happy being this way :-) ). The thought I had, made me imagine a scenario, wherein I imagine a couple who is quite happy with each other. They both have accepted the negatives of each other(which everyone has in one form or the other) and they are simply in intense love with each other(Or they imagine it to be this way). The guy leaves his college and starts working. There he meets a female who is a very sober female. As they interact more,he finds that she has all the qualities, which he initially believed were only possessed by his girlfriend. Moreover that female is good at certain issues, which his girlfriend is bad at. Their friendship culminates into a good one, and it becomes nothing less than what it is between the best of friends. Now a slow process starts on its own, where the guy starts finding faults frequently on the part of his girlfriend. And now they even had their first heated argument.

Imagining such a scenario was certainly not a good experience for me and it somehow reminded me of the hollowness, which even the nicest of relationships carries. I've no clue as to whether the guy was justified being attracted to another female(He is also a human and has the every right to come to closer to people whom he finds worthwhile) or was he entirely wrong for having started a process of betrayal.

Looking up for ur personal views..Comments are welcome..

Miles to go before I sleep..

2007-10-24T23:49:00.000+05:30

I feel like writing this post because one of my friends appreciated my other posts(I assume that he was not kidding :-) ) and now I feel motivated to write another post. He asked me why have I stopped writing? I said because I no longer feel like writing. He asked if there are some personal issues. I answered the problems have been sorted out, thats why I don't feel like writing anymore. I said that in a lighter note. But now I realize the gravity of the statement made by me and I wonder if it is really true. Ya indeed I have greatly changed the emotional setup that I had built around me. And I consider those changes to be indeed very positive. I hope to advance on this path of throwing the negatives out of myself and adopt as much good as I can..I wish All The Best to myself.. :-)

2007-08-22T22:07:00.000+05:30

Yep..A long time since I contributed towards the posts of this blogspace. A major reason, I had no personal net connection and the over-crowded cyber cafes never prompted my instincts to write anything. The best thing was that during this time gap, I didn't even feel like writing anything. It was a month ago that we applied for this wifi connection,but got it in working state today only.It wasn't really a fault on the part of Airtel guys, but the reason was that the flat mate who took the responsibility of getting this connection installed wasn't as enthusiastic as me to submit the required documents and get it done. My patience broke off and I took up the responsibility and contacted Airtel guys yest. and got Internet working
today. Really sometimes I have an intense attack of this enthusiasm. For getting the internet installed, for the first time I had to share my official password with a friend, had to waste some good amount of balance on my cellphone placing calls..had to walk all the way back to office and again come back to home..But this all didn't matter to me a bit at that time.. whereas sometimes,I display extreme laziness..Good for nothing kindas..
May be thats why fluctuations are always associated with me.. 'Fluctuating Emotions' :-)

Farewell

2007-04-27T15:55:00.000+05:30

Just a week left over to leave Banasthali Vidyapith forever. Never knew it would be this way, that it would feel bad to leave Banasthali. Bad is too small a word for it, it is feeling as if I ll be torn tiny tiny pieces. Had a great time filling up diaries for friends and making them fill mine, and was all wonderful, their true feelings surfaced, which I don't think would have been possible otherwise. Took autographs of all teachers, and it was awesome to have them made written in my diary. Very truly said "To be together and then to depart is the greatest woe of the human heart".. But again "To meet and depart is the way of life, and to depart and meet is the hope of life.We meet to create memories and depart to preserve them and This is Life".. I ll miss all of U and each and everything here. :-(

Go away..

2007-03-24T09:18:00.000+05:30

Why do U come in my dreams,
When U know that there can't be anything,
Why ur touch makes me feel,
As if I am a special being.

I can still feel the sensation,
Which has totally left me shaken.
It happened when, in one of that dreams,
Ur hand touched mine,
And the thought now makes me cry.

I want U to go away,
I don't want U to stay,
Ur thoughts haunt me night and day,
They make me go astray..

I can't see myself sad,
It feels too bad,
Sometimes I feel, I gonna become mad,
Go away and it'll make me highly glad.
Go away and it'll make me highly glad.

The Weaker Sex..

2007-02-25T18:35:00.000+05:30

The last post got deleted by me..dunno how? And even I lost a comment along with it..:( . Once I read an interesting quote and would like to share it here.. "The so called weaker sex is actually the stronger sex, because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex". It seems amazing to me that I never wrote anything on this issue very very close to my heart. Ya, I am talking about equality between the sexes. Though people of both sexes will boast that they strongly believe in it, but the fact is, almost all males practice domination frequently to exert themselves and the females almost daily let them do so. I ll tell u something. There is this nice young lady who is a good friend of mine. She has a very strong quality in her (Maybe weak).She is used to follow each and every thing that her parents tell her. Hardly would have she ever taken a decision by herself. Her mom does it every time for her. She is not allowed to pursue a degree of her choice. parents want her to pursue computers, inspite of her almost no interest in the subject. She is not allowed to join a college of her choice. She is not allowed to go roaming some place with her friends. It ain't like that her parents don't love her. She has got a pair of the most loving parents of the world. But I don't know what they want her to become, and even I don't know how they can justify it. A little bit of opposition from her side, makes her to listen so much. The beauty of the story is that her mom(obviously being a female), never understands how it feels like, may be because she has accepted this submission to the other sex. She also lacks the skills to convince others, thereby a more miserable plight as to she can rarely keep her point of view(Coz since childhood, she has never done this). Cases as such are the stories of every second home of our country. It sounds pathetic to hear things as such.."How come my daughter alone travel in a train?" And even more pathetic to hear.."How come I travel alone, I am a female?" God knows when such people will grow up and correct their sick mentalities!!!

Can't one be oneself?

2007-01-09T13:47:00.000+05:30

I never understand what exactly is the need for following others?? Can't a person be what he/she is?? Can't a person speak his/her mind out without thinking what others would think of him/her. It happens to me when sometimes I am engulfed in a desire to say anything and everything. Its like just to discuss the very thought that I have sometimes. but its not considered good to speak too much, and at others, it is not considered good to talk anything senseless. But what about the emotions and feelings that dwell deep inside one and try their best to surface out, but are forced to push deeper within, and these keeping on accumulating inside one, and then one day escape with a burst.
You know what I am doing right now. I am just speaking my mind out, I am saying anything because I feel like saying it. I know to most of the people it is senseless, but then I don't care anything, as I can be the most careless and insensitive ones at times..:-)

Destiny

2006-12-09T10:29:00.000+05:30

What this destiny does to a person in this world? It changes one's life in a second. A moment before the life was as fine as ever, he was the most blessed soul in the entire world. But within a fraction of second..nothing is there.. His life is now topsy-turvy, with nothing going to fine. God has betrayed him. All the promises of a happy life are now perished. A part of him, is now no more.. He has lost a loved one, the one who may be was the part and parcel of everything that happened to him. He can never reach there. Now no more, he can talk to him. All he has, are the cherished memories, the golden moments of the time spent together. The person he lost was one of his blood relationship, with whom he had been since his birth. life no longer is the same for him. The colours have changed into a dull shade. A shade symbolic of mourning, which makes him adopt the most pessimistic attitude towards life. His belief now is, nothing can ever be the same again. Life has nothing good in store for him.
But, would that make him do justice to his existence in the world. The justice to the reason as to why is he sent here by The Almighty. He badly needs to realize that the person whom he lost, would be not having a happy time in the Heaven, seeing him in this deplorable state of mind. He is making the life of his beloved miserable. His soul would never rest in peace, seeing his younger brother losing contact with life, missing all the variant shades life has to offer. He needs to come out of this situation. He should have an objective and the subsequent goals to reach that objective. May be he can do everything that his elder brother wanted to achieve. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT, HE SHOULD NO LONGER MAKE THE DEPARTED SOUL SUFFER THE PAIN, FROM WHICH HE SUFFERS.And which can only be corrected, by himself coming out of it....

Food

2006-11-28T10:56:00.000+05:30

Friends, this post is meant for each and every1 of you. Being living in a hostel, I daily see people out here wasting a lot of eatable stuff, especially the one which mess provides. It so happens that the fee for the mess in our hostel is paid annually.Unlike most institutions, the quality of food is good and hygienic. It happens so, that the students, considering it their right to have each of the four meals provided to us(coz they have paid for it), bring the food, but the destiny of that food, happens not to be their stomachs, but a big blue coloured dustbin, as they never felt like eating it.
Also in our homes and at other places, educated people, are seen following this habit badly. Is this what education teaches one?? Ever wondered, what becomes of the people, who long to have something to eat.In the world, each day, many people die out of hunger.Is it out of your good fate, that u have enough to eat and have the right to waste food?? My heart cries to see such people.
This is my polite request to each and every one of u,please please don't waste food.If u can't eat, then go, give it to someone, who needs to have it...who is dying to have just a bite of anything to eat...

Yeh dil maange more!

2006-11-19T01:51:00.002+05:30

The earth indeed is round,
And its inhabitants not too sound,
Many of them stand on a false ground,
What matters to them is only dollar and pound.
It is the trait generally found,
In people who live a life viciously bound.

Is money everything??The question remains intact..with everyone busy on their journey towards acquiring more and more. I always wonder cannot this rat race end??Can't the whole money of the world vanish off from the surface of earth. What a pleasant life it would be then!

A resolution

2006-11-03T13:53:00.000+05:30

Now its high time, that again after a long gap, I should begin working for my goals with utmost sincerity..
I pledge that from now itself, I am going to start the text with complete concentration and interest.

Love relationships

2006-10-29T18:58:00.000+05:30

The relationships don't work the way we want them to be. There may be quite a few percentage of people who are absolutely happy with the people, who surround them. I ve even seen the people who are committed to each other (Mind u, committment is something that i consider takes place when u entirely know the person and has accepted the fact that u may need to change urself for the relationship to continue.), facing several problems which ultimately leads to break ups and fights in many cases. Many of us have problems at home and just can't tolerate the adults at home, who are known to us since we stepped in this earth.There is one more situation..its when a person loves the other one, but realizes there is nothing to the relationship from the other side. I am talking about one-sided love relationships. How far a person is justified to love the other peron unconditionally, knowing all the goods and bads of that person and willing to do almost everything for that thing to happen from the other side?The thing that needs to be realized is, though a person is willing to change him/herself, but it's not at all possible to change the other person's perception of u. In such cases may be when people wake up at a later stage in their life, are left crying for not doing justice to their aims and opportunities available to them at that time, since they had wasted their lives brooding over those relationships which never existed.I don't know how much justice such people are able to do to their marital relationships later on in their lives.
So the question arises what needs to be done to avoid such situations.?One idea may be to cut contact completely with the other person(though it may be a very difficult thing to do, but may work in many cases, if honestly implemented).The other one may be to accept any other person worth it, may be a person who loves u more than u actually love him.I don't know how much it works...Ur suggestions and comments are welcome..

2006-09-17T01:07:00.000+05:30

Today was the day when i didn't feel like doing anything i.e a day when i had the usual 'Do nothing and get irritated' feeling. But i was determined to study, at least for sometime, if not much. So again and again, i tried to read vector spaces, but to no avail. I was not able to go through even the beginning 2 pages of the text, coz of the extreme lack of concentration and not feeling like doing it. So, i thought of reading some good stuff online. Read a series on self discipline on stevepavlina.com. Though it didnt help me instantaneously.. but it certainly made me re-realize the importance of my aims and provided me just a bit of more strength to do it. And thereafter this lil bit of increased strength played its role and there came the results, when inspite of all the odds, i managed 2 hrs. of studies. Though i achieved nothing great, but it has left me all the more confident to be able to tackle similar situations later on.

2006-09-15T02:02:00.000+05:30

The day went well today with only 4 classes to attend. Attending less classes always is very comforting, coz it gives 1 more time and stamina for self study. But i didnt utilize the energy in studying much. Only did it for 2 hrs., as i needed to finish other chores also. I cleared up the mess that was beginning to pile up in my almirah, and similar other works. But i m satisfied with myself, coz i didnt let myself do nothing. Now i ll be doing the last job for today i.e i m going to blog out the conversation i had with Siddharth yesterday.
The main points were:
-How to develop objective thinking in oneself?
I was made aware of 'Not I centered thinking' which forms an important aspect of one's development.
-Discussion was carried out about how human beings can help each other.
It was actually a part of a mental exercise which was carried out to focus objective thinking.i.e to avoid thinking in the terms of I and always regarding the general concept.
-A talk about 'Friends should be each others strengths'.
Friends are people who boost up each other and help each other to progress all the more, without hampering their own progress, and without letting his/her friend to let do so.
-Belief in oneself
Self-Belief is one of the most important virtues that needs to be inculcated to get success. Always believe I can do it and no one can stop me from it.

Me

2006-09-11T00:34:00.000+05:30

A week back i was having a great time with my studies.I was duly satisfied with my performance, managed to study 6 hrs.a day, inspite of having classes to attend.The topic i was studying was Group Theory. It seemed to be very interesting reading it, going through all the theorems,But again they were all the basic theorems which didnt require much understanding. In all,I was doing easy work and reading the text with enthusiasm going over each and every word, not missing any of it.I made a good time.It went on so for 4 days.I grew a bit more confident about myself.On 1 of these days, i determined myself to solve a problem, which had appeared in the entrance test of 1 of the best mathematical institutes. And lo..the determination was too strong,that though i needed not to go through all the pains of solving the question on my own(since i had a similar solution in 1 of the books), but i wanted to attain that joy of solving it all by myself.And ya..U guessed it right,I was indeed able to solve it. As i progressed with the text, i thought of re-reading the part i ve completed from another book(Topics in Algebra by I.N Herstein).Being a very standard book, it requires to be read in the best possible manner with intense concentration. In short, the text is tough to read.I am not able to understand much of it, though i devote quantity-time to it,But may be the quality is a little lacking. May be because till date, i am not able to get myself completely out of the illusions, which engulf me.Mourning over paltry things and thinking over them for a long time. The result-I am not able to concentrate well and even lost the previously generated interest. But now, i badly need to regenerate that interest and regain that fervour which I lost for nothing. For it, i have started with the text all over again, right from the scratch,so that it may be easier to grasp it.And this time, i will certainly not commit the mistake of losing interest again,coz i cant afford the wastage of time.I deeply realize that i have no more than 6 months to prepare for my exams.And during these 6 months, i have to give numerous tests, assignments and seminars for the B.sc course as well.All this makes each and every second enormously important.

A talk with Siddharth

2006-09-02T18:24:00.000+05:30

Yesterday i had a talk with Siddharth.The topic was the essentials of a good study pattern.The main discussion was around 'Attention to detail'(a2d).The term was a new to me,so it took me some time to grasp its meaning. He described it as a dirty work which requires perseverance,also being the fun at the same time.I agreed to his point of view.Certainly a2d becomes a boon if followed, or a curse, the vice-versa.It means studies should be done with the sole objective of gaining knowledge, by delving deeper into the details,trying to understand the meaning of each and every word of the text and exploring those meanings further.But i believe this a2d work is never possible without the basic understanding of the subject.For it,one needs to start at the root of the subject and continue further on.It is the best way to make a subject interesting. Then the studies are not done for the name sake of obtaining marks,but for the aim of obtaining a higher degree of knowledge which opens new vistas of thinking and help one as how to be better all the more.'Ever thought of having an addiction to studying?How good it would be if we couldn't get by without devoting a certain time regularly to it!'Ya.. i suppose, and i know that i suppose correct, that it is easily possible,if a2d is honestly implemented..But again, the beginning requires efforts, determination and dedication...

Shirking of important works..

2006-08-27T08:29:00.000+05:30

It so happens to me that I have an important assignment at hand that needs to be done urgently, or an exam scheduled the next day, but I end up in a bad mood which arises out of nothing..or may be out of a very very small problem which itself is oblivious of its existence..Whenever I am confronted with such a situation, the result is I end up doing nothing the whole day and so suffering negatively when the results are out.Why it happens so?Why are we carried away by such paltry things?The reason may be is that people like me lack determination.Or may be they are emotionally weak. I would never like to call myself any of these..But the reality is something or the other needs to be changed. I am always willing to change myself, but then also I lack the determination to do it effectively. Today I thought of starting my day with a good studying schedule.But somewhere in the corner of my mind had a feeling to write my second blog post..So althrough the time when i was trying to study,I had a feeling leaving it and doing the latter job, though i expected myself commiting to my studies.It isn't so that i ve not realized my duties as a student or i have misplaced priorities,But I get myself carried off very easily and reach a destination where every part of myself refuses to do anything..showing resistance to each n every thing... Hoping that soon i ll find effective means and measures to change myself and direct my efforts nicely..Looking forward for ur comments...

The start of this blog...

2006-08-27T01:57:00.000+05:30

Before the start of this blog,I maintained a diary in which i wrote my instantaneous thoughts, but i used it less often.As being a regular user of internet, i thought of doing all this stuff online, which would provide me a better understanding of myself through other people as well as my own eyes.Also it would help me find out the reasons why people like me give up so easily to their feeling of not feeling like doing anything, having the capability, but simply end up wasting time in one petty thing or the other...